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Jordan Curry
5/16/2010 04:32:39 am

Hey guys- you spelled 'planned' wrong on your process paper.

Sunderland-Polished Draft
5/23/2010 11:43:25 pm

Site is ok but has some significant problems. Some suggestions:

-You need a thesis statement on homepage that reveals the revolution, reaction and reform parts of argument

-What is the point of the google map?

-Change "FoA Index" to "Website Index"

-Revolution page is PLAGIARIZED and doesn't clearly show what the revolution was. This is major problem. Using quotes is one thing. Cutting and pasting entire paragraphs from some online secondary sources is another. YOU need to make the argument not copy & paste someone else's

-Each page should have a meaningful title and a topic sentence that reveals the big idea of that page.

-Reaction page also unclear. What is the reaction?

-Again, on reform page, you provide only other sources without giving your interpretation. What is the reform?

-What is the historicus article?

-Basically, it doesn't look like you've done much interpreting and analyzing. Rather, it looks like you copy and pasted lots of stuff from other sources. However, you don't bring in your own anaylsis so the viewer is left with the feeling that they'd be better served simply looking directly at the sources from which you copied and pasted.

-Too texty. Only complete sentences are thesis statement and page topic sentences. The rest of your writing should be phrases and bulleted.

You've clearly done some work but your website has serious areas of need. 37/50


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